Most of us, at one time or another, will find ourselves wondering if we should stay in our relationship or if we should end it.  This is one of life’s most difficult decisions and one that you don’t want to take lightly.  The only thing worse than ending a relationship without giving it the time and attention it needs is staying in a relationship too long.  Finding the best ways of evaluating your relationship with your partner can be done on your own or with the help of a therapist, if you decide to do it on your own there are some guidelines that can help.

1. Many people don’t want to admit it but the fact of the matter is there is some sort of power distribution in all relationships.  A good sign that your relationship is strong is if the balance of power is fairly even.  Are both you and your partner in the relationship of their own free will? That means that one of you isn’t staying just because they don’t have enough money to leave, for example.

2. Do you have any fear of your partner?  In a good relationship fear of your partner shouldn’t be a factor at all.  It’s not ok to be even a little bit afraid, that is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship.

3.  If you could be with anyone in the whole world, is this the person you’d choose to be with?

4. Does your partner engage in dangerous activities, either physically dangerous or financially dangerous?  These behaviors will create an enormous amount of stress for you which isn’t the basis for a healthy relationship.

5. Does your partner support you and your life goals?  Support isn’t just about the money, if you are trying to get a degree does your partner help with the house work, kids, or make dinner sometimes so that you can study?  If not, they aren’t really supportive no matter what their words may say.

These are just a few of the things you need to keep in mind when you are evaluating your relationship with your partner.  There are no right or wrong answers but it’s important that you be honest when you answer these questions, if you feel the need to lie than you already have your answer.

If you are wondering how do I get back at my ex? The best advice I can give you is: don’t bother. I know you are hurt and angry and more than likely you have good cause to be, but if you spend all your time plotting the best way to get back at your ex, you aren’t really living your life and that will just be one more way they have caused you pain.

There is a saying: ‘Living well is the best revenge’. That is a good motto to live by. As long as you spend all your time wallowing in your hurt and pain, your ex is still ‘winning’. If, on the other hand, you spend your time living your life to the fullest you will move on much more quickly and with much less baggage which will make it a lot easier to find the person who really does deserve you and will treat you right.

If you want some great, healthy, ways to get back at your ex, read on:

1. Get hot. Go to the gym, get your hair done, get some new clothes, take some time for yourself. This is great because it will make them start to wonder if they are missing out on something and since it’s a positive thing for you to do anyway, you will also win. You can get back at your ex without wallowing in the gutter and going down a negative road.

2. Be happy. What is it that you love to do that you didn’t do when you were with your ex? In most relationships there are things that we give up because our partner isn’t interested in them. Those are the things you need to start doing again. Word will get back to your ex about all the fun you’re having and they will see a happy, vibrant, fun loving person and again they will feel like they are missing out on something special. At first these things might not bring you a lot of happiness since you are still grieving over your lost relationship, but before you know it your grief will diminish and you’ll start to relish these activities again, just like you used to.

3. Challenge yourself. Find a new hobby, take a class, get a new job. This is yet another way that you can make positive changes in your life that will also make your ex realize that they were a jackass to let you go.

When it comes to getting revenge on your ex many people will advise that you go out and find another lover to make your ex jealous but this is bad advice. Why? Simple, as long as you are concentrating on your ex, even if it is just to make them mad, you aren’t moving on and they are still controlling you. Another thing to consider is the new person in our life. If you use them just to get back at your ex, aren’t you being just as big of a jerk to them as your ex was to you? Is that really the type of person you want to be?

It’s much better to live your life to the fullest,- Don’t wonder – how do I get back at my ex?? Let go of the past, and don’t worry about what your ex will think. You will be happy and that’s all that matters ( and after all, you can’t help it if they just happen to hear how great you look and how wonderful you’re doing now that you’re single!)